


Held in my heart (Where no one can see me)

by anathemadebice



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pining, because.... they are, riddler and ed as two separate people, so much pining that's all there is here really, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26414941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anathemadebice/pseuds/anathemadebice
Summary: Riddler never would have guessed he would feel anything but derision towards Ed and Oswald. (This was a lie, he was smart enough to know that, but denial is a well-worn armour that had always kept him, keptthemsafe) And yet there he stood, shell shocked at the skipping of his own heart when he saw the two smiling together, wanting nothing more than to join them.
Relationships: Edward Nygma/Riddler - Relationship, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma/Riddler, Oswald Cobblepot/Riddler
Comments: 11
Kudos: 35





	Held in my heart (Where no one can see me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alekstraordinary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alekstraordinary/gifts).



> The prompt for this story can be found here!  
> And heed the tags, this may not be everyone's cup of tea which is absolutely fine!  
> Enjoy!  
> Also what we're not gonna do is pretend like I don't write all my fics for Aleks because his own concepts have given me the nygmobbler brainrot that I now provide you with  
> (you can check his fic on his profile, which is linked in the dedication)

**Riddler**  
  
Riddler didn’t know how it got to this. He truly didn’t. He understood every step of what happened, he understood how they connected, and yet he couldn’t understand how things got this ridiculous, this fast. His dislike of them had been well justified, it had been logical. Edward had called Riddler forward for protection, and Riddler had tried to protect him, only to find the task difficult and frustrating when Ed ran off to the field to pick flowers, or refused to let Riddler take on his bullies, or let his dad take his anger out on Riddler and then made him a drawing, or thanked him, or felt a wave of affection for Riddler so strong that it had threatened to drown him, making him feel uneasy and complicated, without answers. He hated not having answers. And as Ed grew, he did not become any more tolerable, the steady stream of contempt he felt for Riddler just as bad as the previous affection, though at least more entertaining.  
And Oswald? Well, to be perfectly honest, Riddler had liked Oswald at first. He was pretty, and entertaining, and definitely meant to just be the means to an end. Ed was enthusiastic, sure, and Riddler was smart enough to figure things out eventually, but Oswald was supposed to make things so much easier, his knowledge of the Gotham criminal scene invaluable to their plans. And then Ed had gone and fallen in love with him, casted everything aside and made himself so many enemies, made himself a number two, once again leaving Riddler and everything he had done for him behind, the ungrateful little rat.  
The point was, that Riddler disliking them was fine, it was logical, it made sense. This? Whatever _this_ was? It didn’t compute for him, it shouldn’t be happening, he knew it was bad even though he didn’t have a name for what was going on. Out of all the people on the planet, Riddler never would have guessed he would feel anything but derision towards Ed and Oswald. (This was a lie, he was smart enough to know that, but denial is a well-worn armour that had always kept him, kept _them_ safe) And yet there he stood, shell shocked at the skipping of his own heart when he saw the two smiling together, wanting nothing more than to join them. 

  


**Edward**  
  
Ed prides himself on being observant. He knows he is, otherwise he wouldn’t have been the best forensic scientist on the GCPD. He also knows his instincts tend to be right, he wouldn’t have survived all this time next to Oswald if they weren’t. So the deep unease boiling on the pit of his stomach has him understandably on edge, the knowledge that something is wrong but the inability to identify just WHAT it is driving him crazy. And Riddler is taking a toll on him, too, possibly the biggest one.  
You see, Ed knows Riddler, Ed has known Riddler for most of his life. And Riddler is mean, and rough around the edges, sometimes even cruel, and he doesn’t tend to stay at the front of his mind for long, but lately it feels like all of those traits have been exaggerated, turning the Riddler he has always known, (the Riddler a younger, warmer part of Ed still considered a friend,) into a poison-filled caricature of himself. The very few conversations they have had have just been Riddler spitting vitriol at him for less than a minute, and then leaving again. Ed doesn’t know _where_ he goes, but the usual white noise-like quality of Riddler’s presence is gone from his brain, these days, and the cold loneliness of it has sunk its teeth into Ed’s every waking moment, Oswald’s company not quite managing to chase it away completely.  
He has never been completely alone, not for a very long time, at least, but that explanation falls short and feels rushed, and Ed is left unsatisfied, like he was given a puzzle to solve and he failed to do so. He throws himself into his work, unwilling to think about Riddler any longer; if he decided to finally give up and leave him alone then good riddance (the thought has a bitter taste, and comes with a dull, familiar ache that doesn’t feel entirely like Ed’s). The realisation comes when he is no longer looking for it, as things tend to do, his fingers halting on Oswald’s chest as his brain takes the by now constant forlornness and uses it to finally connect the dots he has been doggedly keeping apart: of course he doesn’t feel lonely when he’s with Oswald, how could he, he misses Riddler. The thought settles heavily into his brain, filling the empty spaces perfectly, and Ed is almost embarrassed he didn’t think of it sooner, because it is so obvious, except that of course he did, he just discarded the possibility immediately because it made no sense: why would he miss Riddler, he hates Riddler.  
Edward Nygma is an expert at lying to himself, but even he can’t bring himself to believe that one. 

  


**Oswald**  
  
Something is wrong with Ed. Oswald knows this, because the only reason Oswald is still alive and on his throne is that he knows things. Something is wrong with Ed, and he won’t tell him, and Oswald knows this means that he can’t help. He is the king of Gotham, he has the entire city on the palm of his hand to do with it as he pleases, but he cannot help. Oswald tries not to let this eat him alive. Oswald fails at this as he sees Ed be consumed by whatever is wrong, and he asks, he asks every single day and gets no response, only an empty smile that doesn’t reach Ed’s eyes, eyes that seem more sunken by the very day from the shadows under them. Oswald hears him go to the kitchen at night, hears him pace for hours, sometimes muttering desperately to himself. One night, he hears Ed cry, a wounded sob tearing through his throat and the hand that was clearly supposed to silence it, to keep Oswald in the dark. Oswald gets up. He doesn’t say a word when he gets there, turns the kettle on without turning to Ed, and goes about the motions of making tea while trying to keep his hands steady, pretending he doesn’t hear the love of his life trying to stop the heartbroken sobs threatening to snap him in half, sets down two cups of tea and sits down. He waits.  
When Ed breaks down, it’s like a dam bursting open, and Oswald listens to the story of this little kid who was alone until suddenly he was not, until he made a friend that was wild and bitter, and also fiercely loyal and solid. Ed laughs at the last word, the sound both tender and doleful, and in that moment, Oswald realises something else, and he takes a sip of tea to try and melt the block of ice he now feels heavy in his stomach. (It doesn’t work, but he does not try again). Ed talks about screaming, and bruises, and he talks about kind words that were rare but all the more precious for it, and riddles told excitedly on good days, and fights, so many fights, and he blames himself for many of them. Oswald wants to disagree. He doesn’t speak. Ed keeps talking: shaking diminishing and a cold sadness settling on his expression, he talks about white noise that has always been there, he talks about screaming and betrayal, and words dripping with poison he never thought he would hear, he taps his temples and Oswald understands. Not completely, not for now, but he understands enough. 

  


Ed sleeps that night. When he wakes up the next morning, Oswald isn’t there (he can hear noises coming from the kitchen, and is vaguely worried about their toaster). He doesn’t wake up alone. 

  


They make it work.  
Their relationship is not orthodox, too many past hurts to just forget them, almost too many barriers to overcome. It’s sharp and it’s bitter, sometimes, old habits coming back with a vengeance, reopening wounds that were already healing. But it’s also soft hands and soft words, and red cheeks where there once were dried tear tracks, gentle smiles where there had once been bared teeth. There are always flowers in the house, fresh coffee in the pot, dinner for three on the table (it looks like dinner for two, but they know better. There is a third chair on the table, one that remains unoccupied. For now, at least).  
There is always a white noise on the back of Ed’s brain. It never leaves him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and i hope you enjoyed! If you did, you can follow me on twitter @anathemadetwice where I will scream about Them and also about any new fics i write.  
> Have a nice day! x


End file.
